Saint Scholar Gifts

'When I asked for your favourite Saint, I didn't think of someone like Michael Ballack, son.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

Wikipedia...

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"Have you been working out?"

"Must be another paradigm shift."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Read that last part back to me.'