Saintly Scholars Gifts

"There must be dogs in heaven. Haven't you heard of a St. Bernard?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Those are the Divinity students.'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

'When I asked for your favourite Saint, I didn't think of someone like Michael Ballack, son.'

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Are we allowed to pray?"

Introducing Ed, The Nephew of God.

"It's your mother. It's the only way I could get a hold of you. You never answer your phone."

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

"Believe it or not this is the original stack of bibles that I perjured myself on."

When Euclid and Galileo get together they talk about parallel universes.

"I'll be over at Geoffrey d'Anglouleme's place, settling his hash."

"I have a rich and generous son who wants to contribute to the heavenly fund."

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

'I like the hat.'

"I'm not sure I liked your tone when you addressed me as 'Mr. Know-It-All'."

'No other gods before him? - What about multiculturalism?'

'It's on the Religion Channel.'

"Good Lord, this is grape juice!"

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"So, Frank tells me you dabble in creation."

'Pig flu??!'

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

It was clear that, once again, Lyle was not being nominated for sainthood.

Latte Day Saints

"If you used a smaller font they would all fit on one tablet."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'