Sacrament Scholars Gifts

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

'If you were disturbed by any issues raised, please call your mum.'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Well, we needed the rain."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"It's badly sprained, McElroy, and you know as well as I do that I'd only slow you down. Go on without me—and that's a direct order!"

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

"If God had intended us to fly in jets, He would have seen to it that the Wright Brothers invented jets."

'When I asked for your favourite Saint, I didn't think of someone like Michael Ballack, son.'

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

Eucharist

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

95 Theses That Will Blow Your Mind!

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

Virgin MaryExtra Virgin Mary.

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

"No, we won't take Greek relic instead!"

'Damn, we forgot to cancel the book of the month!'