Scripture Scholars Gifts

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"Meet the scribe"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I've got writer's block."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"You call this a constitution?"

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

The World's Biggest Book Club

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.