Scripture Scholars Gifts

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"Meet the scribe"

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"You call this a constitution?"

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"I've got writer's block."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"What did Jesus order?"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."