Bible Scholars Gifts

'Thou shall not kill, comma...'

"Just a little case of writer's block. Give me a little time, here."

'I choose not to read Revelations, too many spoilers.'

David and Goliath.

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"You call this a constitution?"

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

TSA Noah

"I've got writer's block."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

The World's Biggest Book Club

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."