Bible Scholars Gifts

'Thou shall not kill, comma...'

'I choose not to read Revelations, too many spoilers.'

David and Goliath.

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"You call this a constitution?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

TSA Noah

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"I've got writer's block."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

"What did Jesus order?"

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'