Bible Researcher Gifts

"Psst...quick -- check how long a Bible guy named Methuselah lived."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"You call this a constitution?"

TSA Noah

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"I've got writer's block."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

The World's Biggest Book Club

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"What did Jesus order?"