Biblical Scholars Gifts

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Behold, for I have received a text message!"

Take them, God!

'We're getting out of Egypt, and going to a nice peaceful place called 'Palestine.''

'They were on sale so I got another one for us.'

"Let's start a small group."

The first immigrant caravan

'The way I see it ... if the meek do inherit the earth, they're still going to need us.'

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"'Thou shalt give good discounts'? That's a commandment?"

I see that Baby J case rumbles on...

'We were hoping for something more along the lines of laissez-faire....'

"I just had the weirdest dream."

'I fully support your goals, but I can't condone your methods.'

'That was. . . well, incestuous. You were cloned from my rib.'

"Wait, save your money."

Robber counters victim's bible quotation with his own.

Creationists now agree with the scientific theory that the ginosaurs were probably wiped out by the impact of a large asteroid.

"This is what happens when you rob Peter to pay Paul."

'He's sending us to a culturally diverse place called 'Palestine.''

'You're Eve, eh? - Well, I suppose we'd better work out some gender roles.'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

"You know, Eve, after eating that forbidden fruit, I'm starting to see you in a whole new light!"

'This should be good -- Adam just claimed seniority.'

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

I had hoped for a better turnout. Meet the author.

Promised Land Signpost

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Moses on the web

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"