Bible Scholars With A Twist Gifts

'You called for tech support?'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"You call this a constitution?"

"I've got writer's block."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"What did Jesus order?"

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

King Solomon's Pollster.

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

"Does the ark have wifi?"

'Please take your receipt!'

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'These don't apply ex post facto, do they?'

'Nothing about equal opportunity?'