Bible Scholars With A Twist Pillows

'You called for tech support?'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"You call this a constitution?"

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"I've got writer's block."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

The World's Biggest Book Club

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"What did Jesus order?"

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

King Solomon's Pollster.

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

"Does the ark have wifi?"

'Please take your receipt!'

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'These don't apply ex post facto, do they?'

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."