Biblical Scholar With A Tech Twist Pillows

"You've only got twelve followers? You really need to look at your social networking optimisation!"

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I'm going on a retreat."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

You're too enamored of wealth, Al. As it says in the Bible, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle that for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Is that a regular Camel, or does it have a filter tip?

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

Why god isn't listening...

"To create the universe, hit the space bar."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Palm Top Readings

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'Does it come with any Apps'

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

Confession plugged up to an amp.

"I'm going on a retreat."

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

Binary meditation.

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

"What format shalt I save these in?"

The answers you seek are within yourself. But ok, the capitol of Bulgaria is Sofia. Zen Siri.

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

"He calls it the eBible."