Tech-savvy Sermonist Pillows

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

God's Phone

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

Palm Top Readings

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

Confession plugged up to an amp.

'Does it come with any Apps'

Internet Search- Find God

"I'm going on a retreat."

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

Binary meditation.