Tech-savvy Worshiper Pillows

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

'What do you mean 'IamThePope.com' is already taken?!? By who!?!'

The pastor forgot to remove his wireless mic before entering the baptismal."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

God's Phone

"Mommy, look! Tablets from olden days!"

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

"Christmas pudcast"

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

'It's my favorite Christmas gift - a wireless computer mouse that looks just like my old fountain pen!'

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

Palm Top Readings

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

Confession plugged up to an amp.

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

The answers you seek are within yourself. But ok, the capitol of Bulgaria is Sofia. Zen Siri.

'Well, he's back from tech support.'