Tech-savvy Worshipper Pillows

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"If you'll mute your phones, I'll mute mine."

'OMG! Who art in heaven...'

Church sign: Now With WiFi.

'All the rest can scroll to Leviticus on your Bible software...'

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"Things have been pretty quiet around here since the parishioners began texting in their confessions."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

God's Phone

"Mommy, look! Tablets from olden days!"

"I'm going on a retreat."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

"Christmas pudcast"

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

'It's my favorite Christmas gift - a wireless computer mouse that looks just like my old fountain pen!'

Palm Top Readings

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Confession plugged up to an amp.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"I'm going on a retreat."

The answers you seek are within yourself. But ok, the capitol of Bulgaria is Sofia. Zen Siri.