Tech-savvy Worshipper Pillows

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"If you'll mute your phones, I'll mute mine."

Church sign: Now With WiFi.

'All the rest can scroll to Leviticus on your Bible software...'

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"Things have been pretty quiet around here since the parishioners began texting in their confessions."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

God's Phone

"Mommy, look! Tablets from olden days!"

"I'm going on a retreat."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"Christmas pudcast"

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

'It's my favorite Christmas gift - a wireless computer mouse that looks just like my old fountain pen!'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Palm Top Readings

Confession plugged up to an amp.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

Binary meditation.

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

"I'm going on a retreat."