Web-savvy Worshipper Pillows

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

God's Phone

"I'm going on a retreat."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

Palm Top Readings

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Confession plugged up to an amp.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

Binary meditation.

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

"I'm going on a retreat."

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

'Does 'Amen' mean 'Send'?'

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

'What do you mean 'IamThePope.com' is already taken?!? By who!?!'