Web-savvy Worshipper Gifts

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

God's Phone

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Palm Top Readings

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Confession plugged up to an amp.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

The answers you seek are within yourself. But ok, the capitol of Bulgaria is Sofia. Zen Siri.

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

"I'm going on a retreat."

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

Binary meditation.

'Does 'Amen' mean 'Send'?'

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'