Tech-savvy Churchgoer Gifts

Usher about usher with metal detector: 'He's checking for cell phones.'

"Great news pastor, we can just use the WiFi from the bar across the street."

God's Phone

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Monk Synth Bell Ringers

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

'Does 'Amen' mean 'Send'?'

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

'What do you mean 'IamThePope.com' is already taken?!? By who!?!'

'Number 1 on my fave 5 is Dial-A-Prayer.'

'New Charismatic'

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."