Tech-loving Parishioner Gifts

Just type your name, fill in the amount and pass the collection iPad to your right.

God's Phone

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Why god isn't listening...

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Monk Synth Bell Ringers

'Does it come with any Apps'

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

"What format shalt I save these in?"

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

"He calls it the eBible."

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."