Tech-loving Parishioner Prints

God's Phone

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Why god isn't listening...

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

Monk Synth Bell Ringers

'Does it come with any Apps'

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"What format shalt I save these in?"

"He calls it the eBible."

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."

'Does 'Amen' mean 'Send'?'