Tech-savvy Parishioner Prints

Follow God On Twitter

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

God's Phone

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

'Does it come with any Apps'

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

"He calls it the eBible."