Tech-savvy Sermon-goer Prints

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

God's Phone

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Palm Top Readings

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

'For more details or to comment, please visit my faithbook page.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

Confession plugged up to an amp.

'Does it come with any Apps'

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'