Tech-loving Sermon Giver Prints

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

God's Phone

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Palm Top Readings

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Why god isn't listening...

Confession plugged up to an amp.

'Does it come with any Apps'

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"I'm going on a retreat."

Binary meditation.

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'