Tech-loving Sermon Giver Prints

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

God's Phone

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

Why god isn't listening...

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

Palm Top Readings

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Confession plugged up to an amp.

'Does it come with any Apps'

"I'm going on a retreat."

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"