Tech-savvy Preacher Prints

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'New Charismatic'

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I'm going on a retreat."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Palm Top Readings

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

Confession plugged up to an amp.

Internet Search- Find God

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

'Does it come with any Apps'

"I'm going on a retreat."

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'