Gadget-loving Parishioner Prints

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

"Sorry. My phone is on vibrate."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'All the guys like Sophie. She has a touch screen.'

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"I'm afraid he's not much fun in the evenings. He's solar powered."

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

'They gave me this new cubicle with my own water fountain, treadmill, lunch dish... hey, wait a minute!'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Why you need to be specific with a G.P.S.: 'You have arrived at the most exciting destination of your life...'

'Make me look like I own the latest Apple technology.'

"I think I see the problem! If I could just read this tiny print, I think it says...'Do not touch this. Could cause toner cartridge to explode'."

'How many more days until we let them know it's just a joke?'

Monk Synth Bell Ringers

'When pastors take sports analogies too far...'

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

With more and more graduates defaulting on college loans, many loan companies have hired undercover hecklers!

"All that's left is to monetize it."

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

Like it? It's the new executive toy!