Tech-savvy Worshiper Gifts

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

'What do you mean 'IamThePope.com' is already taken?!? By who!?!'

The pastor forgot to remove his wireless mic before entering the baptismal."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

God's Phone

"Mommy, look! Tablets from olden days!"

"I'm going on a retreat."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"Christmas pudcast"

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

'It's my favorite Christmas gift - a wireless computer mouse that looks just like my old fountain pen!'

Palm Top Readings

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

Confession plugged up to an amp.

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

Binary meditation.

"I'm going on a retreat."

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"