Tech Worshipper Gifts

"Never pay attention again!"

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"Textin’"

God's Phone

"Are our prayers answered whether we have an iphone or an android?"

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"I'm having trouble in computer class, Sir. Please send tech support."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

'I back up my files religiously. I pray nothing happens to them.'

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

Divine Cell

"Hi, Mum, I'm last in the race, but I do have the best mobile."

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

Couple are so focused on their cellphones they don't notice their house burning down around them.

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

'Does 'Amen' mean 'Send'?'

'What do you mean 'IamThePope.com' is already taken?!? By who!?!'

'Number 1 on my fave 5 is Dial-A-Prayer.'

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

The pastor forgot to remove his wireless mic before entering the baptismal."

'New Religion'

Church sign: Now With WiFi.

'All the rest can scroll to Leviticus on your Bible software...'

"I asked my mom for a new iPhone, and she said she would 'get right on it.' Luckily, I have an app that alerts me of sarcasm."