Digital Worshipper Gifts

"Let us select the fire folder, double-click the brimstone icon, and begin."

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

TV and man

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Worshiping the TV.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

"Due to social distancing - all gods will be fake from home."

'What do you mean 'IamThePope.com' is already taken?!? By who!?!'

The pastor forgot to remove his wireless mic before entering the baptismal."

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

"And do please remember to visit our online confession service."

Wi-Fi