Wi-fi Worshipper Gifts

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Sunbathing in Autumn

"I'm being punished. I have to stay out of Wi-Fi range for an hour."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Fitness in church.

"OK, I'll play outside, but what do I do when I get out of Wi-Fi range?"

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

"He's so happy it's finally sunny and warm, he's been standing out here like that for hours."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Brenda second-guesses her decision to date a wi-fi hotspot.

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

Worshiping the TV.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

"Due to social distancing - all gods will be fake from home."

'All the rest can scroll to Leviticus on your Bible software...'

Church sign: Now With WiFi.

Wi-Fi