Remote Worshiper Gifts

"Due to social distancing - all gods will be fake from home."

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

Ohm sweet Ohm

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

TV and man

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Worshiping the TV.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'I said I would agree to work remotely, but this is a bit too much.'

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

"Anybody fancy getting drunk and photocopying our bottoms."

'Let me know if you want me to adjust the webcam.'

"And do please remember to visit our online confession service."

Wi-Fi

"You're better off without. I'm SCHVITZING!"

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle.'

"Find the remote yet?"

"Dear Lord Elon, thank you for our daily tweet."

"He's Behind You!"

"Let us select the fire folder, double-click the brimstone icon, and begin."