Wi-fi Worshipper Pillows

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Sunbathing in Autumn

Marilyn's Rushmore

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"I'm being punished. I have to stay out of Wi-Fi range for an hour."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Jennifer Aniston

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

Fitness in church.

"OK, I'll play outside, but what do I do when I get out of Wi-Fi range?"

"He's so happy it's finally sunny and warm, he's been standing out here like that for hours."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Brenda second-guesses her decision to date a wi-fi hotspot.

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Worshiping the TV.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

"Due to social distancing - all gods will be fake from home."

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'A group of Jennifer Lopez's fans want us to make her a saint!' 'Really? A halo of J-Lo?'

At least there's Wi-Fi down here so we can still troll people

Wi-Fi

'All the rest can scroll to Leviticus on your Bible software...'

Church sign: Now With WiFi.

The New Gods