Churchgoer With A Tech Twist Gifts

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

United Church of OMG

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

Out for lunch... GOD

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

At Michawl Phelps' baptism.

'How come I never see you in church?'

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

Man waiting to receive communion drinks soda

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Why god isn't listening...

'We worship the deity formally known as God.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."