Tech-savvy Sermon Lover Pillows

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

God's Phone

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

Palm Top Readings

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

'For more details or to comment, please visit my faithbook page.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

'Does it come with any Apps'

Confession plugged up to an amp.

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"What format shalt I save these in?"

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

Binary meditation.