Tech-savvy Sermonist Gifts

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

God's Phone

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Palm Top Readings

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Confession plugged up to an amp.

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

Internet Search- Find God

'Does it come with any Apps'

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

Binary meditation.