Biblical Analyst Gifts

"My favorite part was when your god sacrificed himself to himself to save humanity from himself."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

Moses on the web

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"You call this a constitution?"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"I've got writer's block."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

The World's Biggest Book Club

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"What did Jesus order?"

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"