Church Analyst Gifts

"I never trust brother Paul, he's always trying to get closer to God."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"I want to try other kinds of fruit."

"It was a little preachy."

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

The Pope

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

Four Chanting Monks

Choirboy

"I think it's the company logo."

Keyboard in Front of a Organ

"They're really more like a bucket list."

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

'That Smith kid just invited us to his church on Easter Sunday!'

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

'Our news documentary, 'More depressing government shenanigans,' is sponsored by prozac.'

'Page 37 in your hymnals and selection #15 on your iPods.'

Political Science

"An 'eight' for technical merit, Pastor, but only a 'five' for originality."

"It's the new church organ."

'Ok, Flight of the Bumblebee ... once more with feeling'

'It's made out of solid wood and it sleeps eight.'

'Yes...our chief analyst is recommending further investments in the new year.'

Schenker discovers the true essence of humanity

Monk Synth Bell Ringers