Church Correspondent Gifts

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Press Freedom

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Nun Binning the Devil

CCTV in church.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

"I will answer anything but questions."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"It's a cup holder."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

Office of the PR of the United States

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'