Press Correspondent Gifts

What If White House Reporters Actually Held the President Accountable?

What If White House Reporters Actually Held the President Accountable?

Squeezing the Free Press.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Press Freedom

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

Man Reading Laptop.

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Newspaper suicide.

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

2020 Swiss barmy knife

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Free press.

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

Freedom of the Press

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

'Here's the name of my cosmetic brain surgeon. He make you look smarter.'

"I will answer anything but questions."

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

"In a move sure to revolutionize the industry, Lincoln Middle School is using Halloween candy energy levels to offset costs in November, December and January."