Press Correspondent Pillows

Squeezing the Free Press.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Press Freedom

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

Man Reading Laptop.

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

Newspaper suicide.

2020 Swiss barmy knife

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Free press.

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

Freedom of the Press

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

'Here's the name of my cosmetic brain surgeon. He make you look smarter.'

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

"I will answer anything but questions."

'War protestor': 'Oh no! Not this again...'

'Here's our business editor to talk s**t to us for five minutes'

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'