Press Spokesperson Pillows

These remarks are completely off the record

Trial by Media

'How fast can you hype?'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"National security adviser"

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

Newspaper suicide.

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Free press.

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

Freedom of the Press

"Your press kit said you were lots of fun."

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

A boy and his spin patrol.

"The White House Washington"

"Marketing hired a golf pro as our spokesperson. Finally, we've got someone on the ball around here."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

'We're out of duct tape.'

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."

"There is nothing dangerous about GM foods!" "Keep talking or we'll smash your head in"

"I've finished the press statement about the kraken."

MI5 Press Office

US Media