Press Secretary Pillows

"Let's change 'brink of chaos' to 'Everything is wonderful.'"

"That's a very good question, which is why we're going to move on to the next question."

"Half empty because of congressional inaction, and half full because of the tireless efforts of the President."

"How do you respond to critics who claim you're just trying to scare people?"

Public Relations: Today's Lecture: Weapons of Mass Deception.'

'The press is calling you overconfident. Stop using ‘Hail To The Chief' as your ringtone.'

"I stand corrected. There ARE such things as stupid questions."

'I know you're committed to hiring the handicapped, but a Press Secretary with Tourette's?'

"I will not answer specific questions. Please have some respect for my position's ambiguity."

Possible Press Secretary Replacements

"Yes, I am looking for a new press spokesman, Pinocchio."

Diddly

'Honda has recalled the U.S. Sixth Fleet due to leaky sunroofs.'

White house - 'News leak du jour'.

'...The young offenders or the backbenchers, Prime Minister?'

"People, I'm exhausted. I'll take only the easy to answer FAQs for now."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

Meanwhile, back in the White House press offices....

Whitehouse correspondents roast-2018

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"Any suggestion that the president had any knowledge of anything anywhere at any time is fake news."

"Ditch the sign, it doesn't reflect the way things are run around here."

"It was just a few thousand bad apples."

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

'I know you're committed to hiring the handicapped, but a Press Secretary with Tourette's?'

Jen Psaki

'You may find if you do leave Downing Street your spells of dizzyness will stop Mr Campbell.'

'Great ad campaign. Now all we need is a product.'

Tony Snow.

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

'I can't fire Lady Godiva, Dear - She's the best Press Secretary I've ever had!'

"Please remember - if the President doesn't get mad at you, don't take it personally - Mr. Trump is very, very busy."

'I know you're committed to hiring the handicapped, but a Press Secretary with Tourette's?'

"I think he said he doesn't want to be your press secretary any more."

I wouldn't lie to you!