Press Secretary Prints

"Let's change 'brink of chaos' to 'Everything is wonderful.'"

"That's a very good question, which is why we're going to move on to the next question."

"Half empty because of congressional inaction, and half full because of the tireless efforts of the President."

"How do you respond to critics who claim you're just trying to scare people?"

Public Relations: Today's Lecture: Weapons of Mass Deception.'

'The press is calling you overconfident. Stop using ‘Hail To The Chief' as your ringtone.'

"I stand corrected. There ARE such things as stupid questions."

'I know you're committed to hiring the handicapped, but a Press Secretary with Tourette's?'

'...The young offenders or the backbenchers, Prime Minister?'

White house - 'News leak du jour'.

Diddly

"Yes, I am looking for a new press spokesman, Pinocchio."

"I will not answer specific questions. Please have some respect for my position's ambiguity."

Possible Press Secretary Replacements

I wouldn't lie to you!

'I know you're committed to hiring the handicapped, but a Press Secretary with Tourette's?'

"Please remember - if the President doesn't get mad at you, don't take it personally - Mr. Trump is very, very busy."

'I can't fire Lady Godiva, Dear - She's the best Press Secretary I've ever had!'

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

Tony Snow.

'Great ad campaign. Now all we need is a product.'

'You may find if you do leave Downing Street your spells of dizzyness will stop Mr Campbell.'

Jen Psaki

'I know you're committed to hiring the handicapped, but a Press Secretary with Tourette's?'

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

"It was just a few thousand bad apples."

"Hey, Mr McClellan...how can I help you today?"

"He's the pastor's press secretary."

"We couldn't possibly divulge the contents of the prince's letters - no bugger can decipher them!"

"Trump's election victory was intended by God!"

"It's a crazy meter. You know, to give everybody a bit of a heads up."

"I'm majoring in Communications with a minor in Leaking!"

Meanwhile, back in the White House press offices....

"Any suggestion that the president had any knowledge of anything anywhere at any time is fake news."

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"