Scripture Enthusiast Gifts

'Whoa! - These aren't touchy-feely at ALL!'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"If you don't stop quoting scripture at me, Reverend, you will go to hell."

'So, read any good book lately?'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Express Mountain - 10 Commandments or Less

"The Bible does not say that!... And if it does, it's taken out of context!... And if it isn't, it's just a metaphor!... And if it's not, it's not a big deal!... And if it is, then that's just how things were done back then!... And if... er... shut up

Jesus wept

"Are you writing all this down, Matthew? I can't help thinking there might be a book in this."

"Meet the scribe"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

John Bunyan

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Yes, all at once!'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

Ten Commandments

Noah's ark, many lions

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Christian and Born again Christian...

The First Printed Bible

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"Hurry! Let's go! The world will be better off without his kind."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'