Scripture Seeker Gifts

"Yes, this is Mr. Kalen in Room 1510 – would you send up an Android version of the Gideon Bible?"

Daily Devotional

"Sans serif would give it a cleaner, more modern look."

'You realize, these are going to lead to a lot of hypocrisy.'

'Too much information...'

Priests/Vicars/Ministers.

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

"Why do you keep quoting bible passages I never hear in church!?!"

"This is the book of the millennium club - Bible study."

"Meet the scribe"

'They all want to play the star.'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'