Scripture Explorer Gifts

'But everybody does that stuff!'

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

"Meet the scribe"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"Great - already running late and then this happens."

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Moses gets REALLY lost in the desert.

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

Jesus wept

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

"Then the angel Gabriel said to Joseph in a dream.. 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall call Him Emmanuel." "I thought His name was Jesus!?".