Scripture Scholar Gifts

I must find out how to control the rights when it comes out on parchment.'

'Oh no, I'm sure they'll believe me...but maybe you could sign them just in case?'

'This is quite a job description!'

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"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Doesn't pharisee start with a 'ph'?"

"You're positive we don't need these notarized?"

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

Monk scribe has written ornate letter 'S' which turns into 'Sod this for a lark!!'

'You mean I have to MENTOR, too?'

"But it's not the King James Version."

"Then the angel Gabriel said to Joseph in a dream.. 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall call Him Emmanuel." "I thought His name was Jesus!?".

"May I quote you?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Everything was going perfectly until Adam donated that rib...'

"May the good Lord bless this Town Council for the revival of our religious invocations. We thank Thee in the name of Jesus Christ!"

"Your bible is catching on, and we'd like you to make some personal appearances in Nineveh, Tyre and Jericho."

'You're darn right they constitute an establishment of religion!'

'Well I'll be. . . he's right! There's no mention of insider trading manipulation here at all.'

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

"When we said 'Lead us not into temptation,' we didn't mean it had to be a DESERT!"

"Say Lord, mind if I let my lawyers check this first?"

"I remember behavior like that being followed by fire and brimstone."

'The manna? Oh, the manna is great -- Now, about our housing problem....'

"Take a parable."

"Curses! You have thwarted my science-based argument by quoting scripture! I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

"I'm telling you it is a coat of many colors. It's just this cartoon is in black and white."

"The directions say, march around city 7 times, aim at walls and blow..."

"...And when the Lord finished, she rested."

"You left my sword where Ehud?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Because of social distancing I can only take 'A' through 'M', sorry."