Scriptural_scholar Gifts

'They're saying the manna DOESN'T taste like chicken.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I've got writer's block."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"You call this a constitution?"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

Wikipedia...