Scripture Student Gifts

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

"Meet the scribe"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Eugene Ionesco

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

Jesus wept

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

Dear Diary

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

'But everybody does that stuff!'

'They're saying the manna DOESN'T taste like chicken.'