Scripture Lover Gifts

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Meet the scribe"

"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"I've told you before one at each end!"

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

'You say the ARKS are NOT two by two?'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

Regifts of the Magi

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Welcome to ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Theatre

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

Woody Allen

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

Jesus wept

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

Scrip Doctor

The Archbishops says to stop adding emoticons.