Manuscript Lover Gifts

"'Greetings in peace and love. This letter will bring you good luck. It has been around the world four times. Do not break the chain or you will have bad luck. Make 15 copies of ...''"

'Defeated? Never! Not while my illuminated manuscript is still out there citing rebellion...'

'It's beautifully written. However, we need big-ass coffee table books.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet the scribe"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Where are you guys going?" "We’re out of here!" "It’s October 28th!" "The new team are running late. We need you to stay until February 2025!" "But I’m tired!!" "How do we know they won’t bail on us again?"

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"The arms reduction talks are off to a good start -so far, we've agreed to ban pebbles."

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

'Your proposal sounds interesting. Can you send me a written proposal? I cannot reread a phone call.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

Proceedings of the club

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

The Archbishops says to stop adding emoticons.

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."