Student Of Scripture Gifts

"Meet the scribe"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"You call this a constitution?"

"I've got writer's block."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"What did Jesus order?"

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"