Student Of Scripture Gifts

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

"Meet the scribe"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"You call this a constitution?"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"I've got writer's block."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

The World's Biggest Book Club

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"What did Jesus order?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"