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"Yes, this is Mr. Kalen in Room 1510 – would you send up an Android version of the Gideon Bible?"

"Sans serif would give it a cleaner, more modern look."

'You realize, these are going to lead to a lot of hypocrisy.'

'Too much information...'

Priests/Vicars/Ministers.

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

"Why do you keep quoting bible passages I never hear in church!?!"

"This is the book of the millennium club - Bible study."

'They all want to play the star.'

"Meet the scribe"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

Jesus wept